How to Survive a Weasley Family Reunion
by IceCreamNinja
Summary: So you wanna know how to survive a Weasley family reunion, eh? You've come to the right place... Each of the second generation kids of Harry Potter tell their most important tips to surviving the drastic Weasley family reunions. You'll need to learn everything you can. Trust me.
1. Introduction

**Bonjour! This is a story about… well, you read the summary! This is how to survive a Weasley family reunion. Each chapter will be narrated by a different second generation character. This one, which is just the introduction and doesn't have any survival tips, is narrated by James II. Almost everything is him talking, unless it's in parentheses. If it's in parentheses, that's someone else talking. I think you can figure out who's talking each time. So… um… yeah. Read.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or anything else you recognize from Harry Potter. They are owned by the amazing, talented, heroic J.K. Rowling. I love you Jo!**

**-Meghan**

We Weasley's have a huge family. Seriously. It's really big. I have like a bajillion cousins and aunts and uncles and stuff. And every year during the summer, we have a Weasley family reunion. Ugh. I mean, I love my cousins and all, but a reunion is just too much Weasley. If you saw your cousins every night and day at Hogwarts, you would get tired of them too.

Anyway, at a Weasley family reunion, we don't have just Weasley's. The Scamander family, Teddy Lupin and his grandmother, and Neville and Hannah Longbottom all come too. They aren't technically our family, but they're close enough to be considered family. And sometimes there's people there I don't even know. But everyone seems to know me. "You're James, right?" they'll say, and I'll say yes and then they'll proceed to tell me stories about my father when he was my age. The famous Harry Potter. Yeah, he's my dad. You jealous? Yeah, having the Boy Who Lived as my dad is pretty awesome-

(James!)

What? Oh, right, sorry. Got sidetracked. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Weasley family reunions. You want to lean how to survive one, eh? You've come to the right person. I've survived thirteen of them, and I've learned a lot of good survival tips. My cousins have good advice for you too. We're all going to tell you what we know, starting with me, James Sirius Potter.

(James! Why do _you _get to go first?)

Because, Lily, I'm the oldest.

(No, you're not. I am.)

Well, yeah, you're the oldest out of everyone, Teddy. I just mean I'm the oldest out of my family- like, I mean, the Potter family- gah, never mind! I'm going first because this was my idea to do this survival guide thing!

(Yeah, well, it was my idea to make cookies a few days ago, and you ate the first one!)

What? Lily, what does that have to do with anything at all?

(I don't know.)

Okay, then. Anyway, as I was saying… wait, what was I saying? Gah, you guys made me forget what I was talking about!

(You must have wrackspurts in your brain.)

What?

(A wrackspurt is an invisible creature that floats into a person's ears, making his or her brain go fuzzy.)

You guys learned that from your mom, didn't you?

(Yes.)

(I don't think they really exist.)

(Oh yes, they do, Rose! My grandpa Lovegood wrote about them.)

(That doesn't mean they-)

(Why else would James forget what he was talking about?)

Maybe because you guys keep interrupting me! Now please shut up. I'm trying to… erg, I'm just going to start, okay?

**I hope you liked this. Review and tell me what you thought! Thank you, my lovely flowers! ;)**

**-Meghan :{D**


	2. James Says

**Hi! I really have nothing to say, except that I don't own Harry Potter. So, I don't own Harry Potter. And now I have nothing to say, so… here's James Potter II to give you the first tip of surviving a Weasley family reunion. Take it away, James!**

**-Meghan**

**James says… Avoid Aunt Muriel**

Seriously. Avoid her. This is the most essential piece of advice I or anyone else on this planet could give you. Avoid. Aunt. Muriel. If you don't… well, good luck. And don't say I didn't warn you.

Technically, she's like our great-great aunt or something like that, but she doesn't like us to call her that. I understand. She's not all that great. But she is old. Like super old. Super-mega old. Wrinkly papery skin old. Nearly deaf and blind old. Like, I can't believe she's even alive old. Seriously, she was old when my parents were young.

Anyway, it was my ninth Weasley reunion; I was nine. Ah, I was a juvenile amateur. I was hanging out with my best buddy and cousin, Fred Weasley II. We're the two jokester troublemakers of our cousins. We were discussing pranks we could pull that day, since it's our tradition to pull at least one big prank at a Weasley family reunion, when Freddie released a cough that sounded strangely like, "Muriel!" And then he ran for it.

"What? Where?" I said. Looking back on it, I wonder why I didn't just run after Fred, like a smart person would. I guess I'm not too smart.

"And who is this one?" Aunt Muriel demanded, grabbing my shoulder and spinning me around. "Are you a Weasley? Where's the traditional Weasley flaming red hair?"

"Oh, well, my mom is a Weasley, but my dad is Harry Potter… I guess I got his hair…" I said awkwardly.

"Harry Potter, eh? What's your name then?" Muriel said.

"Um, James…" I said.

"So Potter named you after his father? How sweet," Muriel said, examining me closely.

"Yeah, well, sorry, but I've got to go, um, to the, er, bathroom…" I said, attempting to slip away. What a fail.

"You need a haircut," Muriel declared.

"Um, okay…" I said.

"Your hair is too long, and untidy too. Do you even comb it?" Muriel said.

"Of course I comb it!" I said, slightly offended. Ugh, why was I offended over someone insulting my _hair_?

"Not very well. It's sticking up in random places. Comb it better."

"It's not my-"

"Well, you're definitely not the most attractive boy. Are you smart?"

"Um… I-I guess so…"

"You think so?"  
"Yeah, sure."

"Quick, when did the first Goblin Rebellion take place?"

"Um, 1401?" I guessed absolutely randomly.

"Wrong! 1612. You don't even know your wizard history, what a shame."  
"Well, I haven't started Hogwarts yet-"

"Excuses, excuses. You should still know. Shame on Harry for not teaching you. You'd think he would want his children to know things."

"Hey, don't you go picking on my dad! You should be thanking him! I believe that if it wasn't for him, Voldemort would still be alive!"

Muriel made a _tsk tsk _sound with her tongue and shook her head. "Full of yourself, too. Don't think that just because your father is Harry Potter I'm going to treat you any different. Got any talents?"

The only talent I could think of was pranking, but I didn't think that Muriel would consider that a talent. "I'm a pretty decent Quidditch player," I said instead.

"Quidditch. What a-"

"Muriel?"

I whirled around. Grandma Molly had snuck up behind me. She was looking at Muriel with reproachful eyes.

"Muriel, I think it's time you stop interrogating young James. Let him be," Grandma Molly said.

"Ugh, fine," Muriel said. But she didn't leave before leaning close enough so I could smell her old lady breath and muttering at me, "Study your wizard history. Be prepared. Next year, I'm going to have-"

"Muriel!" Grandma Molly snapped.

"Oh, alright,"

I stared at her crooked back until she disappeared in the sea of blazing red. I turned to Grandma Molly and said, "Thanks."

"Anytime, James, honey. Muriel always has something negative to say about everyone. She never sees the positive in people. May that be a lesson learned, James. Avoid Muriel."

**I think I totally captured Muriel's character. I don't know though… what do _you _think? I'd love to hear *hint, hint* *cough, cough* Heehee…**

**-Meghan :{D**


	3. Dominique Says

**I'm back! And I'm on winter break! Yay! Anyway, this chapter is in Dominique's POV. I love that girl. As usual, I don't own Harry Potter, and, just so I don't have to keep saying that in every single chapter, I will never own Harry Potter, it always belongs to Jo. For every chapter. Okay I'll let you read now. Enjoy!**

**-Meghan**

**Dominique says… Don't challenge James and Freddie to a prank war**

Unless you want to become a chicken.

I don't even know why I did it. I guess I thought I could take him and Freddie, despite their reputation for being deathly at pranking. I was stupid. What do I know about pranking? Even more experienced pranksters couldn't beat James and Freddie. And I thought I could take them… oh, Dominique. Stupid me.

Let me set the scene for you. Setting: The Burrow. James and Freddie are sitting on the couch making a card castle out of Exploding Snap cards. Oh, the joy of working so hard on a huge castle and then having it explode all over you.

I frolicked (heehee, frolicked is a fun word) over and sat right in between them, practically on their laps, taking up all their personal space. They both looked at me like I was the most annoying person ever. Ha!

"Um… do you mind?" James asked in irritation.

"No, not at all. Thank you for asking. It's so very kind of you," I said, smiling pleasantly. James and Freddie just glared at me. "Aw, come on, guys! Where's the Christmas spirit?"

"It's not Christmas," Freddie said.

"So? That doesn't mean you can't have Christmas spirit," I said.

"Dom, do you _want_ something?" James asked.

"Oh yes! Thanks for reminding me, Jamesy!" I exclaimed.

"Don't call me that!" James snapped.

"I challenge you to a prank war," I said, ignoring him.

James dropped his card he was trying to place on the tower so very carefully. Freddie did a spit take with the water he was drinking. Ha, I thought spit takes only happened in movies. They stared at me like I was out of mind. I probably was. It went on for like ten minutes. The Exploding Snap cards exploded. James and Freddie didn't even notice. They seemed to be in some kind of trance.

"You- you… what?" James asked after a million years of silence.

"I challenge you to a prank war," I repeated.

"Are you new to this family, Dom?" Freddie asked.

"Maybe she's suffered a severe concussion!" James said in mock anxiety.

I rolled my eyes. "Guys, I'm serious. Come on, let's shake on it," I said. I put out my hand. James grinned maliciously and shook it, followed by Freddie.

"You are on, cousin," James said.

As I turned and left the room, I heard Freddie say, "Should we start planning her funeral?"

And James said, "Yeah, do you think she'll like roses or begonias better in her coffin?"

Okay, end scene. Fade out. New scene. Fade in to the backyard of the Burrow. The lunch tables are all set out. Weasley family reunions are really informal, and so are the lunches. The tables are set out around noon and are whisked away at about two. People come and eat and go whenever they want; there's no set time. James and Freddie are piling their plates up with sandwiches and potato chips. Okay, they got all their food… they sat down at the table. I grinned and winked at Aunt Ginny, who was standing next to the door. I had asked her to help me with this prank I was playing on the boys, to which she eagerly agreed to do. Aunt Ginny nodded.

"James! Fred!" she called. "Could you come here please?"

"Mom!" James said, dropping his sandwich. "We just sat down!"

"Just for a moment!" Aunt Ginny said.

James and Freddie got up, grumbling unhappily. Aunt Ginny led them into the Burrow. Perfect! I ran over to the table James and Freddie had been sitting at and pulled out the extra hot hot sauce and squirted a whole puddle of it in each of their sandwiches.

I ran back into hiding when I saw James and Freddie swaggering back. Don't ask. I just wanted to say swaggering. Um, anyway. So, James and Freddie sat back down at the table, looking annoyed.

"What was that about?" Freddie asked. "Why did your mom just bring us in the house, telling us she has something cool to show us, then said never mind? What the heck!"

"I don't… wait," James said. "Freddie, don't eat that."

Freddie freezed, sandwich midway from his plate to his mouth, looking perplexed. "Wha-? Why?"

"Think, Freddie, think. My mom comes and distracts us. She was probably helping someone to keep us away from our lunch for a few minutes so that someone could do something to it. And who do we know who is trying to prank us?" James said.

"Oh. Right. Dom. I forgot about that," Freddie said.

James lifted the bread off the top of his sandwich. He smirked and showed Freddie the hot sauce I had so excitedly squirted. Freddie looked in his own sandwich and found the same thing.

"What the heck?!" I scream, leaping out of hiding. "How did you guys know?!"

"Are you kidding, Dom?" James said. "We're the kings of pranks. We know a prank when we see one."

"Hot sauce. That was lame, Dommy. Really weak," Freddie said.

End scene. Fade out. New scene. Fade in to the kitchen of the Burrow. I was just filling up a glass with water because I was thirsty. Well, why else would I be filling up a glass with water? Anyway, I was skipping to the back door to go back outside with my glass, happy and carefree. What I didn't know… well, you'll find out.

I opened the back door and _BAM_! It hit me. A bucket of cold, sticky glue. Ew! It was so disgusting! And then James and Freddie's oh-so-lovely faces materialized right in front of mine.

"Hello, Doooooooooom!" Freddie said. No, not Doom. He said Dom, just with the 'o' all long.

"Fancy seeing you here!" James said.

Then, without warning, they dumped a whole bucket of feathers on me. So, yes, thanks to the glue, I was Dominique the Chicken. No, that's not very catchy. Chicken Weasley Girl! No, how about… oh, never mind. You get the point.

"Hey, look everybody! Dominique's a chicken!" James and Freddie said. Then they made a bunch of annoying chicken noises. "Boooooooock! Bock bock booooooock bock!"

Yeah. My whole family saw me as a human chicken. Wonderful, right? Good thing my whole family are wizards. A nice scouring charm made me clean as a rubber duck. So, no physical damage was caused. But it was still really embarrassing. And to this day, James and Freddie still call me The Chicken. Lesson learned. Never challenge James and Freddie to a prank war. Unless you want to be known as a chicken. I mean, I guess it's your choice. Whatever. My story is over. The end.

**Yeah, I know, it's kind of long but whatever. Review pleeeeeeeeeeeeease! **

**-Meghan :{D**


	4. Freddie Says

**Heyyyy! Late merry Christmas! :) I have a lovely new chapter for you and I hope you enjoy it. Just to warn you, I'm going back to school in a few days (booo!) so I might be updating less. So... yeah. Enjoy!**

**-Meghan**

**Freddie says… Don't eat Aunt Audrey's pudding**

It was a dark and stormy night. Just kidding. It was actually quite sunny. But dark and stormy sounds more dramatic and scary.

It happened a while ago. Maybe three or four years ago, I don't know. But it still haunts my nightmares to this very day. It was insane. Super insane. Supermegafoxyawesomehot insane.

Oh. I bet you want to know what happened, don't you? Okay, it was around one in the afternoon and James and I were hungry so we went to the backyard for lunch. Yum right? Wrong. Well, some of it war yummy, don't get me wrong. The sandwiches are always so perfect, almost as if they're made from magic. Oh, wait… they kind of are.

Anyway, James and I walked down the long lunch table, piling our food with mountains of magic sandwiches, chips, pretzels, and cookies, but no vegetables. We were going through the phase where we refused to eat vegetables. And then, at the end of the table, there was a bowl of really delicious looking pudding. It was kind of brownish, but not like poop brown. Chocolate brown. And it had sprinkles and candy in it. Mmmm, it looked so tasty, who could blame me for wanting a few spoonfuls?

"Freddie, I wouldn't do that if I were you," James warned me.

"Why not?" I asked. "It looks good, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, but I've heard bad things about that pudding," James said, eyeing it with distaste.

"Like what?" I questioned.

"It's Aunt Audrey's pudding. You know how she like's actually cooking things? Like, the Muggle way? Yeah, well she's not actually that good at it," James explained, glancing around to make sure Aunt Audrey wasn't around.

"Rubbish," I said.

I heaped my plate up with loads of the pudding, despite James' caution. James just gave me a long look and shook his head, like _when your stomach explodes, don't you dare come crying to me. _

We sat down at a picnic table to devour our lunch like a pair of lions. Molly bounded up to us. Sophisticated, goody-two-shoes, all-the-professors-and-parents-love-me, don't-you-dare-cause-trouble Molly. Gosh, that girl can be so annoying sometimes. She sat down next to me and gave me The Molly Glare. That cold stare makes some people cower and give in to anything she says. Not me or James. We've gotten used to it.

"Well, there's nothing I can do to help you," Molly said after like ten minutes of The Molly Glare. "But I will wish you luck." She got up and left.

Usually I would just ignore her, but this time, my curiosity got the best of me. Curiosity killed the cat, but I'm not a cat, so I guessed I'd be okay.

"Wait, Molly!" I shouted.

She turned and gave me The Molly Glare again. "What?"

"What do you mean? You wish me luck with what?" I asked.

Molly rolled her eyes and walked back over. She stood right in front of me and put her hands on her hips. I guess she was going for the intimidating posture. Not very intimidating to me, to be honest.

"With eating that pudding," she said like it was obvious. "Mom makes it without any magic. I don't know why, but it tastes absolutely horrid. I tried a bite when I was about three. It was vile!"

I glanced at James, who gave me an _I told you so _look. "But that doesn't make sense. It looks so good!"

"That's the thing," Molly said slowly as if teaching a five year old. "That's not really what it looks like. I think I'm about the only person who knows its true appearance. I oversaw Mom making it once, and it was all grey and goopy and pretty much the definition of yuck. Then Mom put a spell on it to make it look pretty and scrumptious like it does now so people will eat it."

"But-"

"You can go ahead and eat it if you want, Fred, but… well, good luck." Molly tried to give me a friendly smile, but it looked more like a grimace. Well, habits are hard to break.

"I told you!" James said as soon as Molly left. He looked at me and sighed. "But you're still going to eat it, aren't you?"

"Yep. Molly's just messing with me, I'm sure," I said

And then… Cue dramatic music. And then, I lifted the spoon to my mouth, anticipating the yummy goodness that I was sure would come, and ate. The. Pudding.

Two words: Kill. Me.

It was like… I don't even have the words to describe it. Tasted bit like poop, I guess. Well, it's killing me to admit it, but Molly was actually right.

And as soon as I thought nothing could get worst, Aunt Audrey appeared out of nowhere.

"Freddie! You tried my pudding!" she exclaimed in that cheery carefree voice of hers. "Tell me, and please be completely honest about it, how did it taste?"

She told me to be completely honest, but I wasn't. So, people aren't supposed to lie, but I think lying is okay if you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Well, depends on who it is. If it was Molly's pudding, I would've told her the complete honest answer; that it sucked. But Aunt Audrey is about the nicest person ever. She's like a sweet little puppy.

"It's… it's… its great! Like, uh, eating Heaven!" I lied, smiling painfully.

"Really? That's wonderful!" Aunt Audrey squealed like a little girl. Then she frowned. "No one ever likes my pudding. It's so brilliant that you do! You can have some every year, how 'bout that? And tell everyone what you think of it!"

"Uh… okay, yeah, totally," I said.

And James just laughed at me after Aunt Audrey left.

Now, every year, I try to go to the lunch table sneakily, but it seems like Aunt Audrey is always there with her pudding. "Aren't you getting any pudding, Freddie?" she'll ask, and she sounds so hopeful and happy, I just can't turn her down. And, every year, I almost die. And James and Molly never forget to rub it in my face. Ha, just wait until I take something like my urine and put a spell on it to make it look tasty, then give it to Molly… Cue evil music! Mwahahahahaha!

**Hope you liked it! Have a great new year! 2013, yay! Review, add to your favorite/alerts, and tell your friends and your friends' friends! Yeah.  
-Meghan :{D**


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